who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
