I puked a lego.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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