Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
