I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize