I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm gonna fight the coyote
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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