ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
