You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
