Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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