I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
