you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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