i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
