Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
