Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
