he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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