and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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