did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize