By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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