i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
