apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
