i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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