Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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