lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
