So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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