i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
