the condom got lost in my hair
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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