I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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