They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
