What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
