Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
