He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
