There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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