there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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