My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
