I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
