Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
