I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
