God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
