I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize