Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
