If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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