I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
