Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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