My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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