i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
