I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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