Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He shit in the fireplace
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize