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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house

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• (516): View more from New York

  she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning

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• (207): View more from Maine

  Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?

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• (713): View more from Texas

  It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug

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• (360): View more from Washington

  I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?

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