I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
a search helicopter?!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
