well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
as a side note pls kill me
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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