so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
