Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
