i just wanna soil my oats bro
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
