We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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