why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
