Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize