i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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