Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
