Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
