Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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