It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize