I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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