Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
