Her vagina should come with caution tape.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
