plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
