she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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