It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
