sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
