she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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