you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
