im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
