some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
