In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
