well you can't waste a boner
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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