I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
actually, I'm a sock model
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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