So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
