thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
