Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
