I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
