When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
