so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize