I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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