So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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