hell yes lets make some ravioli
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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