I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
