you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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