Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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