i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
