last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
